I've had these thoughts on my mind for awhile and haven't had the time/known where to start to write them down so if this is jumbled forgive me. :) This blog isn't here with the goal of a huge following or being well written 100 percent of the time, just a place for me to put my thoughts and, if Jesus wants, maybe reach someone along the way! :)
Growing up in a Christian home, going to church and on mission trips, and being blessed with a Christian Education, a lot of topics presented to us were about answering God's calling to our lives. What a huge responsibility that felt like! I always thought I might end up doing some sort of long term mission work or something with my music.. something big that didn't involve me staying in the small town I was raised in.
When I started dating my now hubby at 16 everything changed. Being with him just felt so right, so comfortable, so peaceful. I was truly content. I had found my other half and neither of us wanted anything more than to just be together. I never pictured wanting to get married and have a family young until I met him, but that was all I wanted to do, further more, all I felt like I was meant to do. I had such a hard time when everyone else was choosing what college to go to and which career paths they wanted to take because those things just didn't matter to me. Everything in me wanted to be his wife and a mommy, and he told me he felt the same. What does an 18 year old do with those kinds of feelings in a world where a college education is pushed at you from every angle, and you're told being a wife and mom is not 'enough'?
We decided to take our own path, do something different than what everyone else around us was doing, and follow our hearts and what we felt God was leading us to do. We were engaged at 18, married at 19, and had our first baby at 21. Did we have difficult times? Absolutely! Did we fight? More often than I like to remember. Did we both make mistakes that we might not have made had we waited to get engaged until we were older? Yes. Do I think that all of those people who told us we were too young to get married were right? No way! I wouldn't change our relationship or the timing that we did things ever. Even if I was shown things would have been 'easier'. When you feel so strongly like something is meant for you, you won't be satisfied until you fulfill it.
Sometimes now, being a wife and mom, I wonder if I'm doing what God wants me to do. Our lives on earth are only meant to be lived for Him, and I don't want to disobey. Sometimes the monotony of the daily life of a SAHM, (the endless laundry, dishes, cleaning, lack of sleep, cooking, yard work, parenting) makes me wonder if I'm doing anything to advance God's kingdom. I have always wanted to reach others for Him, how am I doing that now? I was praying about it and heard God clearly say to me, "Answering my call is not always easy." Wow, I love when I hear Him speak to me. I started thinking more and answering His call might not mean traveling all over the world or singing in front of large crowds, but you know what? That's ok. I'm raising our children to love Jesus, and in turn my prayer is they will go out someday and reach others for Him. That could be impacting a huge amount of people.
Choosing to be a single income family because we feel that that is what God wants for us is so so difficult. Money is more than tight, but we have seen over and over again that God truly provides for our NEEDS. We've never missed a payment, never gone hungry, always have diapers and a safe home we were able to buy when we first got married with more space than we needed, and now room to grow. Although it's hard and I look forward to the day that we are able to have some 'wiggle room', it is so humbling to truly lean on God for every single thing. I struggle with contentment sometimes and being a single income family has taught me a lot with that. Such a difficult lesson to learn and something I have to work on every day.
Staying home 24/7 with a toddler and having a hubby who works so much is not easy. It can get lonely, be overwhelming and exhausting....but I love my little girl and all of the time we spend together more than anything. I wouldn't trade any amount of money or traveling or college experiences for the life that we have together. That is what made me realize I am answering God's calling for my life. What we chose was different from everyone around us. Many people didn't understand and tried to change our minds. We stuck to our commitment to God and to each other, and it has been so worth it!